Did you ever face a situation which scared you silly but you chose to do it anyway out of love for another person? I have!
You see, I've face many trials in these last forty years, that could have kept me in a prison of my own fears. A tentative person by nature, I learned to overcome timidity and fear in order to advance good causes for which I believe. When I first stood on the platform at Alfred University in 1994 to share my story as a survivor of domestic violence, I quivered and quaked but sucked it up and went out there anyway.
I made a choice to love the individuals in the audience enough to get over my fear and show the support and encouragement that might be a lifeline of hope to someone in my pre-survivor state.
I was offended by an abuser, a "man of God" who was a wolf in sheep's clothing and a philanderer. If you can't trust a pastor, who can you trust? Prior to and after that, I had been in several spiritually abusive environments and as a result, had to choose between becoming a skeptic or loving people anyway. If I allowed fear to hover over me, it would have crippled me for life. So I struggle with the choice. Fear or Love? Do I love others enough to jump out of my comfort zone and take risks to help them? Or do I stay in my quiet closet of fear and self-protection.
If I chose the latter, I might never have adopted through foster care the very special children with which I've been blessed. I might never have crossed the threshold of a church again and never had this love to offer to others. I would never pursue a career in writing because the lack of confidence would keep me from sharing the hope I have inside. The message which I have to express would be lost behind feelings of anger, bitterness and hatred.
No! That is not for me. I choose to believe what the Apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 13-14. Love is a better way. The message of love is interwoven into the New Testament. In 1 John, we are told that perfect love casts out fear.
I aim for this perfect love. My love is still being cultivated and matured. I am reminded of this when I feel awkward helping a friend with something others might think was simple or inviting some one to my home. When my middle child signed up for a missions trip to an inner city project, fear was my first reaction. I fought it with love. I made a choice. "Lord," I prayed through clenched teeth, "I love my son and want what is best for him spiritually, physically and emotionally. He feels led to go on this trip and will learn so much about serving You and others by going. I love the cause that he and the group are there to support and further. I choose to love the recipients more than myself." Though I made a verbal assent, the choice to love had to be a continuous one. I didn't want my son to be away from me for a week. I didn't want to worry about him...The wants and self-love list goes on and on.
This afternoon, I am making another love-choice for the sake of my youngest son. There is a reptile show a town away. My son would LOVE to attend it. I am petrified of reptiles. I rarely saw them while growing up in Maine and I certainly never saw poisonous ones.
This may seem trivial to you but to me, it is the end of the world for me to be in a room with reptiles. But we are going. Why? Because my son loves them. He doesn't know and will be a very great surprise so that he will feel loved and special for one more day while he plays only child and his brothers are away. I choose to love... not fear. Well, it's time to leave now but I will come back with an update and some pictures. Meanwhile, I'm swallowing that fear-AGAIN. Or spitting it out.
Come back soon for more on this topic and an update on the trips!
Showing posts with label The Adoption Option. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Adoption Option. Show all posts
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sunday Sick Day
I don't usually take days off from church but today I was so exhausted, have a sore throat, stuffy nose and headache and in light of all the recent stress, I needed a break.
The two kids who either cause the most trouble (either on the way or at church) stayed home with me and the other one went with Dad who was playing bass guitar in the praise band. He probably enjoyed being the big cheese and riding all alone with Dad in the car anyway. He's also our early bird and I knew he'd never let the others sleep in which meant with him home, I could not sleep in. I don't remember the last day I slept in. It's been months. It was great to do so today!
This morning we had boiled eggs mashed with melted butter, toast and strawberry applesauce just for fun and we watched DVD's of one of my favorite claymation tv shows as a kid, DAVY and GOLIATH. For more info see: http://www.daveyandgoliath.org/
The story lines, though written in the 1950'sand 1960's, teach great little morals that children even from this day and age find relatable. I think I'm going to find some more and buy them for children's church for the times they need a short movie to fill in time after the teaching and activities.
Needless to say, it was nice to have some down time. That is most of it was, since I only had one blow out from one kid this morning and she went to her room three minutes ago for a cool down. Is that banging I hear. No, just knocking. She's drumming on the wall. Oh boy. I'll be right back.
Okay. I'm back.
Tonight, we are suppose to go to visit my friend Lyssie. I will check with her to see if she still wants me there. I think what I have going on is allergy and stress related rather than a cold. It might do me some good to spend time with a friend. But we will have to bring distractions for the kids or Velcro, just kidding. Anyway, Here come the boys from church. I need to go. Have a great Sunday everyone.
The two kids who either cause the most trouble (either on the way or at church) stayed home with me and the other one went with Dad who was playing bass guitar in the praise band. He probably enjoyed being the big cheese and riding all alone with Dad in the car anyway. He's also our early bird and I knew he'd never let the others sleep in which meant with him home, I could not sleep in. I don't remember the last day I slept in. It's been months. It was great to do so today!
This morning we had boiled eggs mashed with melted butter, toast and strawberry applesauce just for fun and we watched DVD's of one of my favorite claymation tv shows as a kid, DAVY and GOLIATH. For more info see: http://www.daveyandgoliath.org/
The story lines, though written in the 1950'sand 1960's, teach great little morals that children even from this day and age find relatable. I think I'm going to find some more and buy them for children's church for the times they need a short movie to fill in time after the teaching and activities.
Needless to say, it was nice to have some down time. That is most of it was, since I only had one blow out from one kid this morning and she went to her room three minutes ago for a cool down. Is that banging I hear. No, just knocking. She's drumming on the wall. Oh boy. I'll be right back.
Okay. I'm back.
Tonight, we are suppose to go to visit my friend Lyssie. I will check with her to see if she still wants me there. I think what I have going on is allergy and stress related rather than a cold. It might do me some good to spend time with a friend. But we will have to bring distractions for the kids or Velcro, just kidding. Anyway, Here come the boys from church. I need to go. Have a great Sunday everyone.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Too Tired To Talk
Yes, I've been "bloglinquent" these last few days. Reason? Too Tired To Talk!
Too much to talk about, not enough energy to talk about it. Too many interruptions.
I suspect it will be this way and busier until after the childrens' school Christmas break is over so if you don't see a post everyday. Don't worry. I'm still here, just up to my ears swimming in activity and RAD issues. The holiday season can be a bear sometimes. I wish I could be 100% positive but I can be 100% realistic.
Sad news. My older son was suppose to visit for Christmas. It isn't happening now. I am heart broken.
Good news. Wheels Kid has his 19 year old sister coming in to visit for the week of January 1-7. He doesn't know. I think he will be excited/happy. Finding an extra bed is going to be interesting though.
Unnerving news. We are also suppose to take a family day trip (4 hours each way) to visit siblings of our foster children possibly on January 1 for the day. Culinary Kid will be happy and thankful. Fidge will act out and throw fits probably. We can't leave her behind either. The visit is a must. Take a deep breath! Hold on for roller coaster ride.
Mr. Steady had lots of packages and mail to deliver today. Of course, on Saturday- the usual short day- he has more where as during the week that is traditionally busy, he has no extra work. Oh well. Christmas is different this year in many ways.
News of Blessings. We received gift cards from the church men's ministry and another from a close relative. Food and gifts for the kids will be a bit easier now. Thank you, God!
I'm praying about whether and what to do about going back to work in the new year. Somehow I would need to balance work with homeschooling Wheel's Kid, hmmmm. I don't know how I will do it. I'm too busy right now even to sell Tupperware! Help, God!
Prayer is still needed for one of our foster children who is undergoing attachment therapy.(Not the kind of therapy that is coercive as one of my readers warned me against.) We don't know how much more of her issues we are equipped to handle. If we can't keep everyone else emotionally and physically safe, we will need to look into a safe place for respite or other alternative housing. We are unsure what the right thing is to do. We're so attached to her but...the rest of us have to survive and be in one piece too. We just need some rest and respite or else we won't be able to parent her or anyone else. The other thing is that she may need to be in a one-on-one situation to heal. She was rated at very severe in her RAD. Some experts say that placing two RAD siblings in the same home is unlikely to work, causing all to be sicker. I'm not sure on this and want to think more about it and research what others say before making any moves. Moving is traumatic to RADishes, much more than other children. But we have 3 RADishes and two are being traumatized along with us by the first RADish. The sad thing is that the first RADish is being traumatized by herself and her reactions to the past. This is not easy. We are trying to see the trees through the forest. Pray! Please!
Well, I'm off to break up a fight between RADishes before we have RADish salad! Have a great day. I hope to blog again soon. If not, I hope your Christmas holiday is great.
BeckyJoie
Too much to talk about, not enough energy to talk about it. Too many interruptions.
I suspect it will be this way and busier until after the childrens' school Christmas break is over so if you don't see a post everyday. Don't worry. I'm still here, just up to my ears swimming in activity and RAD issues. The holiday season can be a bear sometimes. I wish I could be 100% positive but I can be 100% realistic.
Sad news. My older son was suppose to visit for Christmas. It isn't happening now. I am heart broken.
Good news. Wheels Kid has his 19 year old sister coming in to visit for the week of January 1-7. He doesn't know. I think he will be excited/happy. Finding an extra bed is going to be interesting though.
Unnerving news. We are also suppose to take a family day trip (4 hours each way) to visit siblings of our foster children possibly on January 1 for the day. Culinary Kid will be happy and thankful. Fidge will act out and throw fits probably. We can't leave her behind either. The visit is a must. Take a deep breath! Hold on for roller coaster ride.
Mr. Steady had lots of packages and mail to deliver today. Of course, on Saturday- the usual short day- he has more where as during the week that is traditionally busy, he has no extra work. Oh well. Christmas is different this year in many ways.
News of Blessings. We received gift cards from the church men's ministry and another from a close relative. Food and gifts for the kids will be a bit easier now. Thank you, God!
I'm praying about whether and what to do about going back to work in the new year. Somehow I would need to balance work with homeschooling Wheel's Kid, hmmmm. I don't know how I will do it. I'm too busy right now even to sell Tupperware! Help, God!
Prayer is still needed for one of our foster children who is undergoing attachment therapy.(Not the kind of therapy that is coercive as one of my readers warned me against.) We don't know how much more of her issues we are equipped to handle. If we can't keep everyone else emotionally and physically safe, we will need to look into a safe place for respite or other alternative housing. We are unsure what the right thing is to do. We're so attached to her but...the rest of us have to survive and be in one piece too. We just need some rest and respite or else we won't be able to parent her or anyone else. The other thing is that she may need to be in a one-on-one situation to heal. She was rated at very severe in her RAD. Some experts say that placing two RAD siblings in the same home is unlikely to work, causing all to be sicker. I'm not sure on this and want to think more about it and research what others say before making any moves. Moving is traumatic to RADishes, much more than other children. But we have 3 RADishes and two are being traumatized along with us by the first RADish. The sad thing is that the first RADish is being traumatized by herself and her reactions to the past. This is not easy. We are trying to see the trees through the forest. Pray! Please!
Well, I'm off to break up a fight between RADishes before we have RADish salad! Have a great day. I hope to blog again soon. If not, I hope your Christmas holiday is great.
BeckyJoie
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Good News
Yahoo! One of my kids got funded for Attachment Therapy with neuro/biofeedback. Yipee. Miracles do happen. Oh me of little faith for not believing we would ever get funded after how many months of waiting?????? Of course, it is a long drive toward the Orlando area because these therapists are few and far between but.... I'll take it. Anything that will help, right? I will let everyone know what I think after the first session next week.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)